Adoption/fostering

           Why aren't you having kids yet?

            When are you going to have a baby?

            Do you want a baby?

    These questions have been asked quite often over the last few months. I usually don't mind them, but some people seem to have difficulty understanding that my husband and I would like to wait a while before having children. If I'm being quite honest, a baby is truly the last thing in the world I want right now. Yes, I understand that being fruitful, multiplying and filling the earth is God's design. I also understand that God has designed me as His daughter to be a mother, a nurturer and teacher of children, just as my own mother has been to me. There is no greater role for a woman and no higher aspiration that any woman could have. (And personally, I believe that all wives and mothers should earn six figures. That's what they deserve, anyway. :) 

   Here is the heart of the matter: there are thousands of children in the foster care system in America. About 9,000 children were in the Colorado foster care system a few years ago due to parental abuse or neglect.A significant number of these children are waiting for adoption. Many turn 18 without being adopted into a permanent, legal family. These young people are at much higher risk for homelessness and drug and alcohol abuse.

     These children have faces and names. Some of them have been screamed at, hit, burned with cigarettes and irons, molested, raped, neglected and manipulated. Some of them have raised themselves and their younger siblings. These children have experienced pain, heartbreak and suffering that most of us will never fully understand.

    Why don't I want children now? Because these children are waiting. These children have been through unspeakable horrors and need someone to love them. They need a father and a mother, especially ones who know Christ as their Savior and live for Him. They need stability, love, forgiveness, and healing. 

     Do I realize that foster care and adoption will be difficult? Yes. Each child has his or her own set of issues, baggage from the past, and scars from mental, emotional or physical abuse. Does this lessen the need that these children have? Should these difficulties and  future heartaches for my husband and I shrink our hearts and desire to love these children? Absolutely not.

     There are thousands of children ALREADY BORN who desperately need Jesus Christ and need parents. That is why I do not want to have a baby right now.

 ---To all of you who are pregnant or have children, I praise God for you and each of your children! God designed us to have children. I simply believe  that fostering, adopting AND having my own children from my body is what God wants for me--- and He could certainly change my heart and my husband's heart at any time. Blessings on you all.

Wait

        Wait. 

     The word holds several connotations. It can mean inactive, neglected, postponed or delayed. It can imply something that is readily available. 

     Psalm 27 speaks of waiting. The psalmist writes in verse 14, "Wait on the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage." The core meaning of wait in this verse is to bind. As two cords wound together are stronger than the two separate strands, so I as a frail, finite being am immeasurably strengthened by binding myself to God.

     This sort of waiting is clearly not sitting idle, wasting time until what I desire comes to pass. This waiting takes every ounce of my mental, emotional and physical blood, sweat and tears as I purposefully draw near to God and give each moment of my life to Him. This verse exhorts, perhaps even commands its reader to be strong. There is no room for wavering, for shying away from my relationship with God or for setting it on the back burner. How will I gain strength to wait for His will if I am not binding myself to Him? It is impossible.

    Truth be told, I have no idea where my life is headed. It could go a thousand different directions. My high school and college plans were  to get a great Bible education, seek God's will for future ministry, and dive in headfirst. If a husband came, then praise God, and if not, praise Him anyway. Now I am happily and gratefully married, but the rest of it is unclear. What does God want? Does He have a specific direction for my life? I know Scripturally that as I live each moment and day to honor Him and share His love with others, I am in His will. However, I would like to think there is more. What that more may be? Right now, His answer is wait.



 I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful

-While I'm Waiting, John Waller

 In closing, I'm aiming to blog more. My writing skills have steadily declined since college, and I'd like to remedy that.
Thanks for reading! :)

Warp speed life

    Warp speed life.
Seems like that's what my husband and I have been living lately. He is used to this. I am not.
God graciously gives me a new day, a new hour, a new moment in which to live for Him, trying to give Him my all. Here are a few pieces of His lessons over the past few months.

     Perseverance: Never, ever, ever give up! -Winston Churchill

Be it marriage, ministry, living in a different environment, trying to make friends, or any other myriad of things, I am learning not to give up.Yes, there are times I retreat to my bedroom to cry, overwhelmed by it all, but God sustains and gives me hope and joy to keep going. God is teaching me to persevere when I see little to no fruit in ministry, when I think or feel that nothing I do makes a difference in others' lives, when I think that I will never learn what He wants me to.
 I Corinthians 15:58- Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.

Gratefulness:
   I can't count how many times my husband has taken me in his arms( when I have been entirely overwhelmed by some situation) and said, "We have such a good life," and gone on to count our  blessings. We truly have so many blessings to praise God for! For example:
A sweet puppy who is growing and learning, full of love
A crazy, wild little kitten who purrs like an engine and loves to cuddle
A little home to call ours
Green grass in our backyard, beets and carrots growing, and flowers blooming
A free couch
A fruit smoothie
My husband's faithful love for me even when he is physically, emotionally and spiritually drained
God allowing Jeremiah to pass his Firefighter I exam
God giving J. a full time, well paying job
God providing for us financially
A $600 pickup for J. and the extremely quick sale of our other car
A car that is very fuel efficient and reliable
Opportunity for me to be a camp counselor for high school girls
Being blessed by high schoolers caring about God and growing in Him
God showing me that He can use me to touch others' lives even when I feel most inadequate
Him giving me desire and ability to interact with and build relationships with high schoolers
God changing my heart towards those who are not easy to love
A family here who truly cares about me and my husband
A lovely fireworks show
Celebrating holidays with friends- who I can truly call FRIENDS! Praise God!
Meeting new friends my age at camp
Books from the library
Slowly getting our home more organized
Health for both Jeremiah and I
Being able to afford fruits, veggies, good meat and cheese, and all we need nutritionally
Many friends having babies and becoming parents
New marriages beginning
Opportunity for me to attend community college and perhaps have a new job
My husband CONTINUALLY believing in me, encouraging and affirming me and speaking God's truth into my life and heart
Sunshine, new ipod, and cool mornings and evenings to run in!
Furniture polish
Peace and acceptance of and about past events in my life
Upcoming trip to Charlotte


 My next post will be more than a list of things I'm grateful for- I promise!
     

His Thoughts

"He who teaches man knowledge- the LORD- knows the thoughts of man, that they rae but a breath." Psalm 94:11

 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are My ways your ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

      We have all been in a place like this.
       Bogged down with daily life, tasks, chores
       stretching ahead of us endlessly, not enough
       hours in the day to complete everything
       and discovering at the end some minor oversight that could undo us, if we don't look to Him.


       Or perhaps it's the weather. Something so minor and silly, yet it certainly influences my thoughts and feelings if I allow it to. I know at home that the trees and flowers are in brilliant bloom, the air ripe with a thousand flowered scents mingling together in the damp spring humidity, grass depressed under bare feet, breezes blowing, sunshine warming faces and skin.
        Here? The fields are beginning to green. I never thought I would praise God for a little bit of green alfalfa and wheat, a few yellow dandelions and tiny lavender blossoms, a tree by my door just now budding in mid-April, but here I am, rejoicing in those signs of life. The joy of spring this year has been in tiny chicks cheeping  through the day, sleeping all seventeen bunched together under the heat lamp, crowding the water dish to gather droplets in beaks, then lift head back to swallow.It lies in hearing the plaintive mewl of newborn kittens crying for their mother's comforting touch and nourishment; in feeling warmth and breeze, glimpsing sky blue scattered with clouds stretching to the horizon.
        His thoughts are not mine. My thoughts are not of chores, two jobs at once, my husband and I's schedules mish-mashed and always conflicting, feeling that I barely keep up with our few ministries that we are blessed to be in, but His are. The word "thoughts" in the two passages above can mean, in the Greek, intentions, plans, advice, means, purposes, curious work, or imagination. "Higher" holds the meanings  of being exalted, soaring, being lifted up, mounting up, being raised up to great heights, and going upward.
        What of it? His thoughts and mine? How do our finite minds fit the pieces together?  Here are a few of my feeble interpretations and applications, based on Scriptural context and the Greek definitions of the words.
Firstly, my thoughts (intentions, purposes, and plans) are but a breath. I plan only for what I perceive, what my eye takes in, but God plans with all eternity in mind. Therefore, any thoughts, intentions or plans of mine must be weighed before Him and sifted through the wisdom of His Word. My limited mind cannot grasp His intentions as He chooses each circumstance and situation that will color the canvas of my life, His curious work of art. My place is simply to choose joy and contentment and to constantly seek His purposes and thoughts as revealed in His Word.
          Second, His thoughts are higher than mine, literally and figuratively. He has existed in all time, and He is now both in heaven and also everywhere present. He is physically higher than me, and He is also the eternal God. Justice, power and love beyond (above!) my comprehension are His alone, and I humanly will not wrap my mind around just how high He is until I see Him face to face. The joy lies in allowing Him to lift my eyes, spirit and mind upward through His Word.  His grace allows me climb ever upward, even when I think that circumstances are slipping, falling, or running helter-skelter, pell-mell downhill. My limited understanding would never choose the means that He chooses with His total and complete understanding, but the impact His purposes being fulfilled in and through me will far outweigh my hesitations in this fleeting moment.
        My prayer is that you and I will be intentionally focused on His thoughts and purposes, whatever today brings, whatever tomorrow brings, and that we will live fully in this day, reveling in His purposes for us, even in the dirtiest of tasks or the most disheartening duties, recognizing that He is accomplishing something beautiful.

        

Morning

 Today is a morning when I should, could

be scurrying about

sweeping, mopping, vacuuming

and I will.

But for now I sit calm, quiet,

drawing in peace that will be in and with me throughout the day.

His beauty. His gifts. 

A prayer that I will serve Him and those I love

as I wash dishes, fold laundry, clean the house, prepare a lesson for Sunday School.

A prayer for joy, His joy, that is already poured out, overflowing in me, that I can now pour out and give away to others. A prayer of thanks for this true joy and peace that only ever flows from Him and transforms me. A prayer of thanks for

21. Stories of true love and sacrifice typed out by beautiful hearts

22. Warm tears on my face

23. Provision, unending provision, the ability to continue on when by all earthly means the cup should have run dry  long ago

24. Growth in our marriage

25. The incredible gift God has given me of a man tender, wise, strong, who puts serving God first regardless of the cost, who loves (agape) me far more than I ever imagined any human would or could

26. Learning how to work, how to love others there

27.  Seeing a friend grow in love for others

28. Family near and far

29. That my girls at church will and are growing with the growth that is from God (Colossians 2:19)

30. A cat who catches our tiny mouse invaders

31. A puppy who has grown every time I turn around

32. Heat in our home on the coldest days, even more affordable with our new heater

33. A sweet neighbor to cook and share recipes with

34. The daily conundrum of making the perfect pot of coffee, which is yet to be

35. A newfound delight in cooking for others

36. A sister (my only) coming for six days!

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of Your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exult in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High.

Psalm 9:1-2

Eucharisteo

"What shall I render to the LORD for all His benefits to me?" Psalm 116:2

Today I give thanks because I do not understand. Today I give thanks because worrying about tomorrow will not grow me a cubit, or even an inch. Today I give thanks because He sees every sparrow that falls, and He will not let me fall.

   This tangible record of gratitude is not a trend. It is the only way, right now, that I can figure out how to survive, to turn back to Him, to rejoice, to revel in life in the face of deep mysteries I cannot grasp.

        1. A safe journey on crowded, icy mountain roads with low visibility

        2. Time spent with my dad

        3. The hospitality and concern of others who barely know us in putting us up for the night

        4. Snow, never ending, turning the mountains into a winter wonderland

        5. A fireplace

        6. Grace- God giving me a free gift I do not deserve. Free gifts. This life. My middle name- grace- all that I have, I do not deserve. This life, I do not deserve. Grace...I am here and He is in me.

        7. Our needs met, day by day, moment by moment

        8. A continual fierce struggle for growth in my walk with Christ, different than ever before

        9. God's provision of a firefighting job for my husband

       10. God's purpose in all things

       11. Being taught joy in places I never thought possible

       12. One of those places...another provision, my job

       13. More women to cultivate relationships with and minister to here

       14. A delightful day cleaning the house and cooking homemade pasta

       15. Family with whom to share our home and a meal

       16. My sister coming, SOON!

       17. A week off of work to spend time with her and our youth group girls

       18. New babies in the family- two already here and two coming very soon! :)

       19. The fruits of the Spirit slowly, painfully coming alive in my fleshly self. 

       20. Sharing life together with a sweet friend and watching her grow

     Grace to you and peace from the Lord Jesus Christ!

Halal

Halal (Hebrew): To be clear (originally of sound, but usually of color); to shine; hence, to make a show, to boast; and thus to be (clamourously) foolish; to rave; to celebrate-commend, give light, be mad, renowned, shine.


Praise is the English word for halal.

Praise the LORD! Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever!

Who can utter the mighty deeds of the LORD, or declare all His praise?

Blessed are they who observe justice, who do righteousness at all times!

Psalm 106:1-3

     This passage becomes unspeakably powerful by focusing on the meaning of one word: halal. Praise (halal) the LORD! Halal is using myself and my life to shine on Him, illuminating who He is;  that I am making a show of Him in a positive way, boasting so much in Him that I become a fool to the world. It is celebrating Who He is, day in and day out, in everyday moments as I give my light to Him, the great God whom I serve.

     The command to halal the LORD is immediately followed by another command to give thanks to the LORD. My heart rejoices. How can I not see His hand, His gentle touch, the beauty that He generously gives out daily for my benefit?

    How can I halal? How can you? The answer is clear. Easy to write down, perhaps not so easy to do. Verse two tells me that my God does mighty deeds. He is powerful, and His power enables you and I to halal in
housekeeping
messes made by animals, children, husbands, self
dirt, dust, disorder
imperfection
all of the routine tasks that comprise one's day.

    HALAL! Lately I have not given my God the halal, the grateful heart that He deserves, but He is so gentle and gracious to pull me back to look at Him and once again see the overwhelming beauty that fills my daily life. Let me share a few halals with you.

    A husband who is gracious, generous, forgiving. How he loves like Christ is daily convicting and inspiring.
    A sister-in-law who safely delivered a healthy baby boy.
    Parents, family, and in-laws who are so loving.
    A sweet, rambunctious puppy and a quiet cat
   Enough pantry food to last for months- from His hand
   A job for my husband- a direct answer to prayer
   A wise friend gracing my life from far away
   And the list could go on and on!

             Halal does not mean to be grateful, but one way that you and I can point to and magnify our God is to be grateful. I can render Him thanks for rejoicing and for heartbreak, for sunny days and for torrential downpours. My halels are more than material things, and I can and certainly should praise Him in any and every situation. This is not always natural, but He can create in me and you a heart of praise that continually turns back to Him in all situations. Let this be the song of my life.
         No one can utter all of His mighty deeds or declare all his halal (verse two), but there is higher aim than to use our lives, every mundane moment, each situation our finite minds cannot grasp, to make a show of our God, to point to Him with an unending halal.

Our little town

My first homemade wreath

Our mouser

A piano for free! Useful in so many ways

My greatest gift besides my Savior and salvation

An incredible godly woman... truly an answer to prayer

Blessed be the LORD, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting! And let all the people say, "Amen!" Praise the LORD! Psalm 106:48

Special thanks to Ann Voskamp, my sister, Megan Hinds, and my husband for faithful and joyous examples of living and sharing the lifestyle of halal. You are a gift to me.